The Friend Syndrome

So....I got to thinking last night...and sometimes me thinking cannot be good. I look back at times in my life and way over analyze things that probably shouldn't be analyzed. Lets start back at the beginning, way back to elementary school.

I like a boy. He likes me. He likes my friend more and says I'm a great friend. Yea, sure that's exactly what I want to be...just a friend. Replay that in high school. I like John. We go out. We talk nightly. We become close. He meets my friend Hope. He likes her and I'm such a great friend. I could keep going, but I'm sure you get the point.

I like someone now. I'm avoiding telling him because there is a group of us that hang out...when he knows that I like him, he is bound to like one of the other girls in the group. The insecure tomboy teenager comes back to take the place of the overly confident, strong 26 year old woman.

Where I seem confident, I'm not at all. I can hold my own in a fight, say what needs to be said, stand strong in being a big bitch, and whatever else. When it comes to groundhogs day take over my love life though, I fall down and hide. WTF.

One of these days, the confident woman will beat the shit out of the insecure teenager. But somehow, this kid has a hold on this adult.

I guess ill settle for being the great friend. They always say you gotta start as friends to build a relationship right? Right. Thats what im sticking to.