So I had a minor breakdown last night. Not a big one. I wasn't a blabbering mess. I was just irritated and had a small tear falls. I found out something that I needed to know, but had to find out on my own.
I had been talking to a guy that I have known for quite some time. The past few months have been on a completely different level. I wasn't letting myself fall like I did in the past but I was feeling like this could be something good. He would come over and chill at least once a week all night. Have fun, talk crap, drink, watch movies. Nothing serious. One thing led to another and we were kissing. This is great. Kinda innocent moments, not raunchy. I could handle this. He started telling me how he was going to do this for my birthday and how we should go to these games and once again, this could be good.
He came to my birthday party and met all of my friends. Acting the same way with me in public as he did in private. Then he kinda fell off the face of the earth. I knew he was working a lot so I tried not to bother him. Send him a random "hey" or "hi" or "have a good day" text and got nothing, time after time. So I sent "do you want me to stop?". No response. So I stopped. Whatever your problem is you'll get over it and when you have time then you'll talk to me...ok.
I looked at Facebook yesterday. You can see when people take tests, what they say to other people, etc. With him being MIA I found it odd that he posted quiz results in the same day. So I got nosy. "How many kids will you have"...ok, fine. A comment posted to it dropped me. "I got 4 Babe!"....and then his mom made a comment in reference to the other girl...Then I looked at their history...Right around my birthday he added her. Since then there have been "miss you baby" and "cant wait to see you baby" comments all over it. That's why you've been distant.
That made me think once again, something is wrong with me. I am only good for being the side girl or stand by until something better comes along. What pissed me off is that he couldn't even tell me. JUST TELL ME and I'll leave you alone. DON'T just throw me to the side with nothing! I had known him for so long and we were friends first. Why couldn't he just tell me?
I deleted his number and deleted his facebook. The guy that didn't seem like he would be "that" guy turned out to be him in disguise. Too good to be true. That's how my luck works.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Doing what I have to do!
Today is my first day off since last month. Crazy right? I started a second job at a bowling alley working anywhere between 10 and 26 hours on top of the 40 hours I already work at my main job. The days have all run together. I have to look at my phone or a calender at least 3 times a day just to remind myself where I am in the week.
So far its been good. I am a quick learner so all of the basics are locked in my head. Some stuff is really simple and I wonder why people have had a hard time with it. Oh well. I still haven't gotten a dead wood (technical term for a pin in the gutter) because I don't wanna look like an ass yet. Everyone is cool with me. Started to really get along with a few of the girls.
My daughters birthday party is 6 days from today. I have to finish planning for that and buying all the goody bag stuff on Wednesday. My daughters father hasn't gotten back to me with who is coming with him so I am not going to plan on them. He can pay for whoever he brings. Makes me kinda sound like a bitch, but he knew he needed to let me know who was coming. I have to buy food and pay for bowling and I'm not paying for people I don't know.
Today and tomorrow are my first days off this month and I want to just lay here. Ill do laundry, clean and be the housewife instead. People have asked me why I took on a second job. Simple. I have to do what I need to do to take care of myself my daughter. Money was tight. Bills were past due. Comcast and Smud have had shut off notices at least once a month. I couldn't do that to my daughter. I need gas to get to work. I had to skimp on food and pay half bills. I don't like that.
So I'm doing what I have to do. I might be tired; I might not have as much social time; oh well. If anyone cant understand then they aren't my friend anyway.
So far its been good. I am a quick learner so all of the basics are locked in my head. Some stuff is really simple and I wonder why people have had a hard time with it. Oh well. I still haven't gotten a dead wood (technical term for a pin in the gutter) because I don't wanna look like an ass yet. Everyone is cool with me. Started to really get along with a few of the girls.
My daughters birthday party is 6 days from today. I have to finish planning for that and buying all the goody bag stuff on Wednesday. My daughters father hasn't gotten back to me with who is coming with him so I am not going to plan on them. He can pay for whoever he brings. Makes me kinda sound like a bitch, but he knew he needed to let me know who was coming. I have to buy food and pay for bowling and I'm not paying for people I don't know.
Today and tomorrow are my first days off this month and I want to just lay here. Ill do laundry, clean and be the housewife instead. People have asked me why I took on a second job. Simple. I have to do what I need to do to take care of myself my daughter. Money was tight. Bills were past due. Comcast and Smud have had shut off notices at least once a month. I couldn't do that to my daughter. I need gas to get to work. I had to skimp on food and pay half bills. I don't like that.
So I'm doing what I have to do. I might be tired; I might not have as much social time; oh well. If anyone cant understand then they aren't my friend anyway.
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